About Adrian Baker
In my teens and twenties, I struggled with seeking validation outside of myself: through academic success, through relationships, and through an achievement oriented mentality that all of us inherit from cultural beliefs that delude us into thinking that the things we desire most are to be found “out there,” rather than from within.
To discover what we truly desire from the world demands that we establish genuine clarity around our own self worth and innate goodness; it’s why healthy relationships are built upon a foundation of two individuals coming together in love but secure in their own autonomy.
As we jump from one achievement to the next, eventually we’re forced to concede that none of our accomplishments can put to rest that nagging feeling that “something is missing,” that persistent sense of “I’m not enough.” The recognition of this feeling, and the awareness that this feeling is common to us all rather than our own unique struggle, is the dawn of awakening. It’s the beginning of the end of our decision to suffer alone in silence.
However, it wasn’t until I moved to Thailand in 2010 and fell in love with meditation before I woke up to this truth.
Growing up in an academically competitive educational system, as someone who was diagnosed with ADHD and learning disabilities since I was eight, I struggled to keep up in school. I can still remember how embarrassing it was when the teacher called on me, everyone looked around, and as my attention snapped back to the present moment I realized, with all eyes on me, that I had no idea what the question even was, let alone the answer. I can still remember how small I felt when even one of my own friends called me stupid.
When I went finally went on medication for ADHD, I turned into a straight A student overnight. It allowed me to reimagine my sense of who I was and what my future could look like. With a combination of curiosity, hard work and luck, I went to an Ivy League school. By this point, my sense of self worth started to become wrapped in my identity as someone who was intelligent, academically competent, hard working—all of these attributes that American culture elevates above so many others, such as kindness, compassion, emotional intelligence, mental health, work-life balance.
Underneath the surface my life was still fueled by insecurities from struggling in school, but this was just one of many ways in which that Trance of Never Enough can ensnare us. I think all of us know what that’s like to feel some form of imposter syndrome, right?
At Brown University, I studied Africana Studies because it allowed me to learn more about the subject that I had always loved, American History, through a very different lens. What I learned empowered me to think critically and independently even as it shattered the illusions that I had about my culture and my own place within it. It fractured my identity to the core; I felt isolated and alone as I was unsure of how to navigate the choices that lay before me.
Meditation can move you from the sense of separation and anxiety and “not enough” to a deep sense of connection and ease and joy that comes with fully opening into your present experience.
In my 20s, I worked on Wall Street for Goldman Sachs, earned a Masters degree from The London School of Economics and raised money for political campaigns in Washington, DC. Working in politics was both interesting and meaningful, but I eventually burned out from stress overload and substance abuse. I didn’t know what I wanted from life, but I knew that it certainly wasn’t whatever I had. I felt overwhelmed, isolated, lost.
I hit rock bottom.
In 2010, I moved from the US to Thailand and set aside the time for self care. In three months, I gave up alcohol abuse for yoga and meditation; I spent years reading classic books on spirituality and psychology and went on to do teacher trainings in both of these disciplines. Meditation allowed me to tune into what I was feeling in my body, to acknowledge my self destructive behaviors and substitute them for healthier habits.
Mindfulness can train you to fully love and accept yourself so that you can enter into meaningful relationships from a sense of self worth, healthy autonomy, and greater security.
When I returned to the US to get my Masters in Education at Stanford, I underwent one of the most rewarding but also stressful years of my life. My work life balance was terrible, non existent really. When I returned to Thailand the following year, I committed myself to meditation and yoga as a way to bring balance back into my life. My troubles with sleep and anxiety and emotional reactivity is what finally inspired me to quit my teaching career to pursue my passion for meditation and yoga full time.
Mindfulness can help you to find freedom from your fears, your anxiety, your self doubts. It can help take you from the strong sense of separation all of us feel when we’re trapped in our heads to a deep place of connection: to nature, to other people and to ourselves.
You are not any of these self limiting beliefs that are holding you back from being your best self; you only act these beliefs out when you are unconsciously identified with them. Developing the Emotional Intelligence to become self aware of and to work with your feelings and emotions is a skill set that you can develop like any other: through training and practice.
In order to get what you desire most, you have to fully face your own heart and mind.
I know the power of these practices to transform your life because they have transformed mine. I’ll provide you with tools for self transformation, as well as share my own journey in a way that will address your needs and challenges and desires.
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